Everyone tells you how important self care is, but doesn’t tell you how.

Freshman year of college, my first semester, I was forced to take something called College Thriving. This class was supposed to be an example of “how to thrive in college” yet if you ask me and probably anyone else forced to take the course it was anything but. There was one day in the course that we were talking about self care and how important it is. Our professor, who despite the classes setup, was lovely, made us all go around and say things we do for self care. Everyones answers consisted of something along the sort of 

‘um…I don’t know……maybe listening to music”

‘Umm…reading’

After we had all gone, our professor told us how great all of our self care techniques are. But the thing is, the effort to make self care seem important was a step in the right direction but a futual one at that. Everyone tells you how important self care is, but no one tells you how.

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• First things first what even is self care and why is important?

“Self-care is not fluff. It is not something extra we do. It is not only about the people who “can” get manicures, or the ones who “take the time” to get massages. It is the necessary things you do to keep your body well”

Mandy Froehlich

• In technical terms self care is “taking care of yourself so that you can be healthy, you can be well, you can do your job, you can help and care for others, and you can do all the things you need to and want to accomplish in a day.”
• But that’s boring. 
• To me, self-care is the gentle art of nurturing your own soul; It’s about honoring your needs, desires, and well-being with the same tenderness and compassion you extend to others. It’s taking a pause amidst life’s chaos to reconnect with yourself, whether through a warm cup of tea, a long walk in nature, or simply allowing yourself to rest without guilt. Self-care is a radical act of self-love, acknowledging that you are worthy of kindness, rest, and nourishment, not just when it’s convenient, but as an essential part of your existence.

Often I hear people say 

“Well, yes, I know it’s important but”

“I just dont have time”

“I feel guilty prioritizing myself over others.”

“Self-care feels selfish or indulgent.”

“I’m not sure where to start or what activities even count as self-care.”

Let’s get one thing straight–you as you are right now only have one body, one life to live, certain opportunities; we should never take advantage of that fact. Putting yourself first and caring for the different aspects that make you, you, should always be a priority. If you believe you don’t have time, maybe take a step back, reevaluate your time constraints, maybe pull yourself out of something because you could be overextending yourself without even knowing it and you don’t want to hit a point where you’re so burnt out you don’t even want to get out of bed in the morning let alone go to class, work, all the nines; 

So make time for self-care, because you are important, and you are the only you that you have. We don’t get another chance, a do over because we didn’t appreciate the bodies we wake up in everyday. 

• Well how do you even begin doing self care?

Self care is certainly not a linear process and it isn’t easy because if I’m going to be honest, nothing in life is. For today, we’re going to go over 4 tips to self care and I’ll link some of my favorite books that detail self care in a way that I found easy to follow. 

1. Learning confidence and positivity 
2. Learning to let go
3. Trying New Things and Finding What You Love
4. Implementing Self Care and Change

To make one more thing clear, implying that self-care is a cure to mental health issues is detrimental. The ability for one to practice self-care should never be an excuse to ignore changes that need to be made to support humans who are doing incredibly hard, emotional work. Self care is necessary but it is not a cure all.

Learning Confidence and Positivity;

Building confidence and cultivating a positive mindset are essential components of self-care. 

Well how do I do that?

Let’s talk about something real for a moment. Building confidence and nurturing a positive mindset isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s not about plastering on a fake smile or pretending everything is perfect all the time. I don’t want to say cliche things like “stop the negative self talk and be positive all the time” because that’s simply not realistic. Everyone has good and bad days and if you don’t have bad days you’re living in a different world than the rest of us.

So, how do we even push through and build confidence at the same time? 

First off, let’s ditch the clichés. None of that “just be positive all the time” nonsense. It’s unrealistic and frankly, it’s not helpful. Instead, let’s focus on some practical steps we can take to uplift ourselves, even on those not-so-great days.

One thing that’s been working for me is surrounding myself with the things in life I know put a smile on my face. Whether it’s spending time with friends and family, indulging in activities that bring me joy, or consuming uplifting content like motivational books or podcasts(check out those links down below), immersing myself in positivity helps shift my perspective, even if just a little.

Another key aspect is practicing positive self-talk. This isn’t about denying the existence of negative thoughts but rather about actively challenging them. Whenever that little voice in my head starts whispering doubts, I counter it with affirmations and reminders of my strengths and achievements. It’s amazing how much of a difference this simple shift in mindset can make.

Setting realistic goals is another game-changer. Breaking down big, daunting goals into smaller, manageable tasks not only makes them less intimidating but also allows us to celebrate our progress along the way, boosting our confidence bit by bit.

My goal has been to set a morning routine; Every morning I listen to my favorite speech, fall forward, and my affirmations which are linked. A little corny, I know, but those are some small steps of self-care that I do for myself. And it’s not a lot but it’s a step in the right direction.

I AM Morning Affirmations for Women | Powerful Guided Meditation 432 Hz Healing Frequency

To whoever is reading this, if you’re on a journey of self-love and self-care and it feels like it’s not quite clicking, that’s okay. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? Just remember, you’ve got this. Believe in yourself and your ability to make small changes every day that will eventually lead to big transformations. You’ve got the power to rewrite your story, one positive thought and action at a time. Never stop believing in yourself and your ability to change your life around, because you definitely do have the ability to make small habits everyday that will lead to big changes down the road.

Learning to Let Go

• Letting go of negative emotions, past traumas, and toxic relationships is crucial for mental and emotional well-being. It involves practicing forgiveness, acceptance, and releasing the need for control over every aspect of life. Mindfulness techniques and therapy can aid in the process of letting go.
• Identify what you can control: Focus your energy on things within your control and accept that there are aspects of life beyond your influence.
• Practice forgiveness: Release resentment and anger by forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes or grievances.
• Develop mindfulness: Practice mindfulness techniques such as meditation or deep breathing to cultivate present-moment awareness and let go of worries about the past or future.

Trying New Things and Finding What You Love

1. Take a few moments throughout your day to prioritize your well-being. Whether it’s taking a few deep breaths, starting a new book, or simply stretching your body, the choice is yours. Remember, you have the power to support yourself, even if it feels like no one else will. Take ownership of your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health every single day. You have control over this aspect of your life.
2. While it’s great to receive suggestions from well-meaning individuals, true self-care should bring you joy and not feel like a burden. If you feel pressured to do something and it doesn’t bring you any enjoyment, it’s not self-care. Discover what truly recharges you on your own terms and in your own time. If it brings you happiness and rejuvenation, then it’s self-care.
3. Seek inspiration from various sources such as articles, conversations with loved ones, and personal exploration. Try out different activities and experiences to find what resonates with you. If something doesn’t work for you, don’t be afraid to move on and try something else. Step out of your comfort zone and challenge yourself to pursue activities that have always intrigued you but were held back by fear or uncertainty.
4. Embrace failure as an opportunity for growth. Setbacks are a natural part of life, and instead of giving up, view them as valuable lessons. Keep an open mind when approaching new experiences, allowing yourself to explore different passions and interests. Reflect on past experiences that have brought you joy and consider reintegrating them into your life.
5. Experiment with a variety of activities to truly discover what brings you fulfillment. Don’t be afraid to try something new, even if it seems unconventional. Prioritize self-discovery and invest time in understanding what truly resonates with you. Remember, self-care is about finding what you love and taking the time to nurture yourself.

Implementing Self Care and Change

1. Taking care of ourselves can sometimes feel like a never-ending list of tasks and decisions that we’d rather avoid. It means facing our fears of judgment, being vulnerable, and being brutally honest with ourselves and our loved ones about what we truly need. But I’ve come to realize that self-care is crucial for my well-being, so I’m redefining what it means to truly take care of myself. It’s become my top priority, even if it means putting other things on the back burner. And even though I don’t have all the answers, I’m committed to being honest about my journey, regardless of whether I’m getting it “right” or not. Because the truth is, self-care isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.

2. Change is an inevitable part of life, and it’s important to embrace it and adapt to new circumstances. We can’t control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond to it. Setting boundaries is crucial in protecting our energy and prioritizing activities that support our well-being. It’s okay to say no to commitments or responsibilities that drain us, and instead focus on what truly nourishes us.

Self-care is a deeply personal journey, and if you’re doing the not-so-fun aspects of it, I want you to know that I’m proud of you. It takes strength and courage to prioritize your well-being, especially when you’re facing challenges in your life. And if you’re struggling with asking for help or letting go of something that no longer serves you, I want you to know that I believe in you. It may not be easy, but you have the strength within you to overcome any obstacles that come your way.

Book List:

• Falling Back in love with being human, Kai Cheng Thom: https://amzn.to/49dqXXC
• It’s Not You, It’s Everything: What Our Pain Reveals about the Anxious Pursuit of the Good Life, Eric Minton: https://amzn.to/3TYAu09
• Dare to Let Go: Poems about Healing and Finding Yourself, Alexandra Vasiliu: https://amzn.to/49jH1ap
• The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power, Katherine Morgan Schaffer: https://amzn.to/3vBNNKJ
• Don’t Believe Everything You Think: Why Your Thinking Is The Beginning & End Of Suffering (Beyond Suffering), Joseph Nguyen: https://amzn.to/4cy043D
• beyond thoughts: an exploration of who we are beyond our minds (Beyond Suffering), Joseph Nguyen: https://amzn.to/3PLljF9
• The gifts of imperfection, Brené brown: https://amzn.to/4atbqUG
• Podcast, Anything Goes, Emma Chamberlain 

Signing off, XOXO, Amie <3